Archive for July, 2013


Perspective

Been thinking a lot lately about perspective.
From the big moments in life to the littlest things within a day, perspective truly changes everything.

For example…..

I’ve been a pelican counter my entire life.
A group of pelicans flies by.
I count them.
Every. Single. Time.
It’s just a thing….
My husband knows it.
My kids know it.
My parents know it.
My friends know it.
Pelicans fly by and they are pointed out.
Every. Single. Time.

But that, in itself, is not where perspective comes into play.

Several years ago, it seemed to me that I kept counting odd numbered groups. 3, 5, 11, 27… Always odd.
And so I declared it so!

Since then, of course, I’ve discovered it’s NOT so.
But has that stopped me?
Not a chance!!!
You see. It’s ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE!

Instead of 6? 3 & 3
Not 14, but 9 & 5
And so it goes….

But it’s not just about the small, simple and silly things.
It’s about EVERY thing.

The ability to see God’s beauty and blessings around me is one of the traits for which I’m most thankful.

Sure, it means I’m prone to stop and stare at a sunset.
Sure, it means I’m often distracted and off task.
Sure, it means that I am perpetually chronologically challenged.

But, my goodness, how my soul does sing!

There are times that the stresses of the world mount up.
Times when my heart positively ACHES with worry.
Times when I’m grumpy and cranky and grouchy and tired.
Times when my eyes are simply cried out….

There are times I let the stressors stop me.
The blinders go up.
The busy-ness of life gets in the way.

And every time that happens, my heart HURTS.
It cries out with a tangible plea….

Please. Stop. Listen. Look.
Breathe….

It’s a physical response to a spiritual need.

Please.
Stop.
Listen.
Look.
BREATHE.

And when I do…
When I stop, listen, and look….
When I BREATHE.

Then…
THEN!
Then I know.

All is well.
And if its not well now, it will become well.
There is good in the bad.
Triumph in the tragedy.
Laughter in the tears.
Love in the hurt.

Blessings abound.
But sometimes we must listen closely,
Look deeply,
Breathe in….breathe out….repeat.

We must find the perspective.
For when we do….

Our souls will sing.
And pelicans will still fly in odd numbers.

Boychild’s Birthday

image

22 years ago, I was 23 hours from knowing what absolute, pure and total love was….

Little did I know the depth of emotion,
The rawness of being,
The POWER of love that is possible….
The love of a mother for her child.

Josh’s arrival wasn’t easy and included more than a few scary moments.
The heart monitor would slow so greatly….
And as it did, our hearts raced in worry.

The nurses said, “Honey. Let’s get you on your side….”
Then contractions started in earnest and we ALL got busy!

With the help of modern medicine, we got my boychild here and I finally heard his cry…

As Tears of joy and relief ran down my face, the nurses patted my hand and told me I’d done well and came to remove the support from beneath me that held me on my side.

Only it wasn’t there.

In the rush to get him here safely, neither nurse had put the support in place.

But I had known I needed to be in that position to bring him safely into the world…. So I did it.
Epidural and all.
I assumed and held the position….

I later explained that if it meant he needed to be delivered through my TOENAILS, I was gonna do it!!

In the past 22 years there have been so many times my boychild has needed me…
Sometimes I’ve known what to do.
Often I haven’t.
There’ve been times I’ve managed to do it “just right”
And times I’ve done everything wrong
But always – ALWAYS – I’ve loved him.
Always – ALWAYS – I’ve tried.

And through it all, he is my boychild. My love. My son.

He’ll be 22 in just a few minutes by the calendar…
He’ll mark 22 years since his first breath at 10:54 pm…
I’ll mark 22 years of motherhood at the same time.

It’s not always been easy, but it has always -ALWAYS – been worth it.

I love you, Babe.
I’m proud that you’re finding your way, your voice, and your passion.
I’m proud that you’re “getting it done”…
I know you’re a man of 22, but you’ll always be my boychild.

That’s a momma’s love.
Then sings my soul….

Laugh Lines. Life Lines.

Laugh Lines.  Life lines.

I took this picture, in that space and in that moment, during my sunrise walk on the beach because my heart was so full….

I had spotted a Great Blue Heron – perched serenely on the beach marker, stretching first his neck, then his wings, reminding me of our journey a year ago.

To my right were 2 doves. TWO DOVES!! Right at home on the beach – although I know I’ve never seen doves here before – and they took my breath away!

To my left was my surf side companion this day. A sandpiper. Yet another wounded creature, stepping out, moving forward. He is strong. He is determined. In this moment i know it is true: He will survive!

All of these things, amidst the beauty and majesty of God’s handiwork in the sunrise….

Then sings my soul.

Now. Hours later. I revisit the shot.

I couldn’t see the details of my SELF in the pic ’til now.

My hubby and girlchild have just driven away, leaving me at my beloved beach.
So now, in THIS moment, it’s just me….

And time to reflect.

Now, in this moment.
It’s just me.
And I have time to look.

The first thing I see is the peace and joy.
Thank you God, for the peace and joy.

Then I see the Mother’s Love earring — somehow highlighted against my hair.
Mother’s Love.
Always and forever a part of me.
The love I have for my children.
The love my mother has for me.
The love we Mommas have for each other and for this world.
Thank you God, for Mother’s Love.

And then I see the laugh lines.
The life lines.
The creases around my eyes that are a testimony to the many smiles I’ve smiled, the many laughs I’ve laughed, the many sunrises and sunsets that have been greedily taken in by my eyes – and sent directly to my soul.

The laugh lines.
The life lines.

There — in the middle — are the tiny furrows from those many times I’ve worried.
The times my heart has done its crazy dance between being afraid to beat and racing to catch up.
The times that I’ve been afraid – so very afraid – for my children, for my loved ones, for my life….
The times I have cried with my heart completely broken.
The times I have cried with my heart relieved.
The times I’ve cried….

The laugh lines.
The life lines.

Thank you God, for them all.

Then sings my soul…